French Twist
by CandiCrush
Summary: Veela!fic. Vampire!fic. Draco falls in love. So does Harry. And so does Hermione. New mysteries shadow Hogwarts. Read & review! SOME SLASH OKAY, PLEASE DO NOT FLAME!
1. Ze Past

**Disclamer: **ummm i dunt even own the books… i read them at the libry . ummm so i don't own this stuff.

_Fifteen years before._

It was a cold December evening, with the wind blowing, and the air chilled, and everyone was inside next to their cozy warm fireplaces drinking hot cocoa or the magical variation of such. That is, everyone except for two, who were clearly very content to take the cold to heart. They embraced it, obsessed over it, they relished in it. They loved it. The two, who for now shall remain nameless, carried with them another, through the snow, towards a light, just like the light at the end of the tunnel. It was like their salvation. It was, the Eiffel Tower.

"No! My dear, we can not do this to the child!"

"But it is for the child's sake that we are doing this! Our child will not grow as we grew!"

"It should! It should be the baby's right to choose what is its desire!"

The man looked incredulously at his wife. "It is but two months! It cannot discern the proper truth."

The woman looked incredulously at her husband! "That ain't right. And you know it. This is our lovechild! We should love it like our own!"

The husband looked at his wife in an incredible manner. "I am the man of our manor and it is my final decision. You know we cannot love anything other than what we have chosen, and we did not choose this!"

The woman, about to protest, was abruptly smacked across the face. She gasped. And clutched her face, cradling it gently with one hand, unable to believe that her beloved husband could do such a thing. She idly wondered if it were better that they were sending their child away to grow up in Muggle France, as her husband would surely abuse it. She decided that, yes, this was the right thing.

She nodded, and said, "I think that you are correct, dear. This is for the best."

He was eternally grateful that she gave in so easily, and he took her earlier hit face in his hand and led her home. It was a long walk, but that was why they didn't walk, they Apparated (AN I KNOw this isn't in the movies yet, but its like when u tgo from 1 place to another). They were wizards.

You see, there exists a whole nother community of peoples who are magical. They can do magic tricks (but not like in Las Vegas, they used like the real magic from the world's core).

AN? LEMME KNOW WHAT YOU TIHNK I'm NOT SURE IF I SHOULD CONTINUE OR NOT R&R PLZ.


	2. Ze Present

_Fifteen Years LaterThe Present**…**_

"Madame Halsey! Madame Halsey! Vere eez my sweater!" yelled Tamaki, "I veel be late for _mon premier jour de l'ecole_!"

"_Pauve bebe, je vais chercher ton pull ! » _shrieked Madame Halsey, the orphanage director woman, "I 'ave found eet! Come downstairs, _s'il te plait!" _

"Okay Madame!" giggled Tamaki gayly.

Tamaki skipped down the stairs happy to have found the sweater for the first day of magical school.

She was 15 year old and she had a beautiful face. She had long, flowing raven hair with beautiful purple and sapphire eyes. Her eyes were her distinguishing trait because she had magical parents and her father had sapphire eyes and her mother had purple eyes. She was a unique girl. She was very slim and had the curviest body that a woman could possess. She was also very smart. She received a scholarship to attend a magical school in Scotland from an anonymous patron because Beauxbatons (AN – it is another magical school but is in France) was too expensive for her to attend. She did not mind. She wanted to expand her English skills by speaking English in Scotland.

"_Oui Madame, ou est mon pull?"_ she asked in French.

The madame replied, « _Il est dans mes mains ! » _(AN – this means 'it is in my hands !')

Tamaki trotted over to the Madame, her hair bouncing behind her. She was of some Japanese descent, she thinks, so that is why she had a Japanese name. She liked it, she thought it made her uniquer.

The madame gave her the sweater and Tamaki pulled it over her body. It fit in all the right places and accentuated her womanly breasts. Madame admired the handiwork of God and was pleased that _Dieu _had been so gracious to her.

"Belle, you 'ave a beautifool body. You 'ave been blessed wiz a Goddess's body."

"Thankyou Madame, I am very 'appy and gratefool," she said, looking at her body in the big mirror.

"Now belle, you must get to the _gare _immediately and give the ticketman your _billet _and get on the train to England in King's Cross Station , then you must get on the train to 'Ogwarts. I veel not tell anyone that you are going to a magical _ecole_,_" _said Madame Halsey, giving Tamaki a long hug and rubbing her back encouragingly.

Tamaki cried tears of sorrow and kissed Madame goodbye. She ran outside in the rain, getting wet, and into the taxicab and then to the train station and then to the London train station and then to the train to take her to Hogwarts School of Magic.


	3. Ze Trainride

Even though Tamaki had had no prior magical training, she was confident that she could be as skilled as the next wizard given a little time and a lot of encouragement. As she waited on the train for it to arrive at Hogwarts, she pondered these thoughts.

Suddenly, her compartment door swung open, and in charged a very tall blond boy in black robes. He stepped in and sat down, staring at her. She stared back, appalled at his lack of manners.

"Who are you?" she said Frenchly.

He sneered. "What are you, French?" He spat.

She stared. "You deed not answer _mon question._ _Et, oui, je suis francaise_." She glared back at him, daring him to question her again.

He rose his eyebrows in admiration. _Wow, some girl is actually talking back to me,_ he thought to himself. "All right. I'm Draco Narcissus Malfoy. You can call me Sir Malfoy. For now."

"Of course not. I veel call you _Draco_." She challenged.

"Fine," he gave in, "but what's your name, then?"

Her eyebrows rose at that. She did not know, for sure, her true name. But she had always gone by Tamaki, being told at the orphanage that this was the name her _mere_ had dubbed upon her before abandoning her."Tamaki," she replied.

He wrinkled his nose. "I thought you were French? That's Japanese."

She rolled her eyes. "But, of course, I am 'alf _japonois_," she replied, not knowing the English term for Japanese.

"So what year are you in?" Drawled Draco.

"But, of course, I am een my seez year. Zough I am only feefteen." She clarified.

"Oh, Mudblood Granger will have a fit with you. So you're smart enough to skip a year? Hopefully you'll be in Slytherin – that's _my _house – though more likely Ravenclaw. Slytherin is the best house, by the way." Draco, at the end of his speech, had moved to sit next to her.

Suddenly, in stormed Harry Potter – Tamaki had read all about him in the latest edition of _Hogwarts, A History_ - and some other girl with frizzy brown hair and a redhead with a smudge on his nose.

"You 'ave got some dirt on your nose, you know." She pointed out.


	4. Ze Meeting of ‘Arry Potter

"Who are _you_?" the boy with the hair that was red said, obviously he was irritated.

Tamaki rolled her sapphire and purple eyes and said, "'Ow many times must I eexplain zis?"

Draco drawled, "This is my new friend Tamaki. She is too cool for you, Weasley, she is French. She comes from France, okay? Get out of this compartment Weaselboy, we were talking."

"Hang on," said Harry, "How did you know she was French?"

"Uh, errmmmm…I don't know…her accent?" Draco said with sarcasm.

"OUI!" said Hermione with an air of being a know-it-all, "HER NAME IS TAMAKI. TAMAKI IS MOST DEFINATLY NOT A FRENCH NAME. I WAS VACATIONING IN FRANCE AND NO ONE WAS NAMED TAMAKI!"

"_Pauvre fille, je suis demi-japonois et demi-francaise, comprends?"_ Tamaki smirked.

« _Ouai s ? » _retorted Hermione, « I know how to speak French, okay ? I vacationed in France many times. Also, in _Hogwarts, A History_ there are many French words."

"Is that so? I bet you 'ave not read ze newest edeetion of 'Ogwarts, A 'Istory. Why? Because I am ze only _personne_ with zat edeetion," retorted Tamaki.

"Wuh…no…." Hermione blubbered, she could not believe this, "You are lying, surely!"

"But I am not. You see, I 'ave ze book right 'ere in my bookbag," smirked Tamaki, pulling out a magnificent book from her bag with the large words HOGWARTS A HISTORY, **NEWEST** EDITION IN FRENCH TRANSLATION written on it.

"Oh my god! May I borrow it?!!" Hermione breathed.

"MUDBLOOD! GET OUT! GET YOUR POTHEAD AND WEASEL OUT!" Draco roared. He was standing now, with a protective hand on Tamaki's shoulder, "DO NOT DISTRESS TAMAKI, GET OUT! I'LL GET CRABBE AND GOYLE IN HERE TO KICK YOUR WHORE-ASS!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL HER?!" Ron yelled, now putting a hand protectively on Hermione's shoulder.

"Ummmm I believe 'e called 'er a 'ore-ass, vatever zat means, and also a mudblood, vatever zat means. Eez zis a bad theeng?" Tamaki said, her cute face now confused with the new English language.

"Don't worry about it, Tamaki" Draco soothed, "Mudblood means Granger is not good enough to be in our presense. HEY! YOU AREN'T A MUDBLOOD ARE YOU, TAMAKI?!" Draco fired. He was mad.


	5. Ze Fight

"_Don't worry about it, Tamaki" Draco soothed, "Mudblood means Granger is not good enough to be in our presense. HEY! YOU AREN'T A MUDBLOOD ARE YOU, TAMAKI?!" Draco fired. He was mad._

"Ummmm I am not knowing vat you are saying. Vat is a mudblood? But to answer your question, I am not a mudblood. My muzzer vas a weetch and my fazzer vas a weezard. I am not a mudblood!" Tamaki raged.

She had somehow known since birth that mudblood's were infinitely worse than those born to a higher, purer status. It had just been something she knew, like breathing. She supposed her parents must've felt this way, and that was why.

Draco, looking relieved, replied, "Oh, well, that's a relief. NOW WEASEL GET OUT, YOU MUGGLE LOVING FREAK!!"

"MAKE ME!" He roared in reply.

"CRABBE, GOYLE, GET IN HERE NOW. PRONTO!" Draco said into his magical walkie-talkie.

"You got it, boss. Over and out." Came the slightly muffled reply.

Out of nowhere, Crabbe and Goyle popped in, presumably from Apparation, (AN The laws had been changed that year because of Harry, so now everyone can Apparate), looking murderous.

They grunted in unison.

Harry and Ron lined up in front of Hermione, protecting her, wands in hands. They glared as one at Crabbe and Goyle, who were standing in front of Draco and Tamaki, blocking them from view.

Tamaki raised herself above them by self-levitation, and said, "YOU VEEL NOT 'ARM 'ARRY POTTER!"

Harry Potter suddenly drew back, confused. "Hang on, how did you know my last name was Potter?"

Tamaki laughed. "But of course, eet eez in 'Ogwarts, A 'Istory." She nodded towards Hermione. "Ze one zat you 'ave not read."

Hermione huffed.

Draco's eyes widened almost comically, and he scooted away from Tamaki quickly, shrieking "MUGGLE-LOVER! MUGGLE-LOVER!" Apparently this was a code-word for something, cuz then Crabbe and Goyle turned away from Harry, Ron, and Hermione and towards Tamaki, ready to attack.


	6. Ze All for Fags and Fags For All

_Ze All for Fags and Fags For All_

Harry stepped in front of Crabbe and Goyle. He held up one hand and said, 'STOP!'

They stopped and were confused.

Crabbe said, "But she is a muggle lover!"

Harry said, "Tamaki are you a muggle lover?"

Tamaki looked at him prettily and smiled. "Vat eez a muggle? I do not like muggles. Zey are and stupid and ugly and dirty and stuff."

"see?" said harry "she doesn't like muggles. Don't hit her."

Crabbe said, "Mmkayy"

Draco said, "Okay Tamaki I like you again. Will you be my friend again please?"

"Malfoy you're being nice," said Hermione.

"Shut the fuck up muddy," snapped Draco.

Hermione jutted out her jaw and said, "Look I'm pretty as she is, okay?"

"Ummmm no you aren't, you ugly bitch!" roared Draco. His feelings were hurt.

Tamaki said, "I have beautifool eyes. Do you all like them?" She blinked many many times with her ROY G BIV eyes.

Draco said, "OMG you're so beautifull!"

"Zankyou," said Tamaki, kissing him on the cheek. "Now, let us sit down and chat and talk and laugh and play and become friends. Everyone sit down! Crabbe stop peeking your nose, pleez."

"Mmmkayy I'm sorry," said Crabbe, removing his finger from his nose. He looked confused.

Draco said, "Ew I'm not gonna sit down with those fags and hags."

"Vat is a fag and hag?" asked Tamaki, wrinkling her nose prettily.

"You're so cute." Said Draco, "Um a hag is Granger, and a fag is Potter. Weasley is just stupid."

"Hey!" yelled Ron, "If Harry's a fag then I'm a fag too!"

Harry said, "Yeah, we're fags together or we're not fags at ALL!"

"Yeah!" said Tamaki. "Yeah! Ve're all fags or ve're not fags at ALL!


	7. Ze End Ov Ze Train Ride

Chapter 7: _Ze End ov Ze Train Ride_

Draco was so excited by6 all this queer talk arounbd him that he decided to join in too, since Tamamki was and he liked her a lot already. He hoped she was as good as she seemed in magical things, better than Pansy and his other Slyth friends.

"HEY TAMAKI! He whispered. "Do you know what house you're going to be in  
?"

Tamaki looked confused for seconds before replying quickly. "YES. Ze 'ouse zat is going to win ze 'ouse cup." She chuckled desperately at her own joke.

Everyone else laughed too. Even Hermione claimed,

"TAMAKIE, you are so clever! I bet you'll be in Ravenclaw for sure!"

Tamaki looked delighted.

Zen Crabbe and Goyle spake as one. "Train arrive soon. Dress." Crabbe began to undress Goyle, leaving Hermione entranced.

They all took this as their cue to undress and redress as well.

When Tamaki had taken off all her clothes, they all stared in wonder and beautiful. Even Hermione was short of breathing. Her curvy curly body magnificent. On her back, which was all they could see as she was turned to facing the window so the dementors that had been sent to Hogwarts to protect her could see, a ROY G BIV dragon winked saucily.

Tamaki turned around when she had been reclothed. "Do 'ou like mon dragon? I vas born vith eet."

"OUI!" said Draco salivating like an overgrown bulldog.

Tamaki giggled melodramatically.

They all got out of the train and left towards Hogwarts.

"'Ow YOU DOING 'ERE 'ARRY?" boomed Hagrid from up above. Tamaki looked up. Up above her was the biggest fattest man she'd ever laid her dainty eyes upon. His eyes were black like beetles and his mouth looked like it could eat you hole! His face was whiskery like a kitty's and Tamaki wondered absently if he purred. She decided to test this out later.

"赤い舌がある" Said Tamaki (A/N YOU ARE BIG. Sry I used freetranslator sry if there's mistakes or whatever.)

Hagrid looked vastly confused. "What's 'at yer sayin' now?"

Tamaki gave him a look. "Are joo stooped? Can joo not speak _japonois_?"

Hagrid was very offended at this and took it to heart. He burst into tears right then and there. "JUST 'CUZ I DIDN' FINISH SCHOOL DON'T MEAN I'M STUPID?"

"Um, yeah it does." She said this so authoritively that even Hermione looked like she agreed.

Hagrid jumped out of the boat crying, leaving the first years to the mercy of the giant squid.


	8. Ze Zecond Fight and Ze Zorting

_Ze ZECOND FIGHT and ZE Zorting_

While the first years were drowning in the lake, Tamaki sat delicately in a pretty horse-carriage.

Draco sat on her lap. She said. "Ummmm Deraco vat are joo doing?"

"Sitting on your lap, baby!" Draco said. Hagrid was screaming in the lake….he sounded like deathly stuff.

"Vell 'bebe' get off ov my lap!" yelled Tamaki "My magickal powerz cannot hold up joor veight! Are joo so fat?"

Draco cried tears of sorrow. "omg do you think I'm faT? Omg I'll lose weight I swear I will, please don't call me fat again omg."

Tamaki laughed prettily. "Okay I'll call joo Chubs. Chubby Chubs! Tehe!"

"shut the fuck up bitch, ching chong! Damn jap! Fuck you bitch! It was your half fault bitchy chingy jap for pearl harbor BIATCH!" said Harry.

Tamaki said quietly, "SILENCE! SHUT THE FUCK UP JOO AMERICAN!"

"fuck you bitch i'm English born and bred! English! Can you understand me jap? Huh bitchass CHINK! CHINKY!"

"ZILENCE!" roared Dumbledore from the school. "WHY ARE YOU HATING EVERYONE! DIS SCHOOL WAS BUILT ON LOVE AND HAPPINESS AND WARMTH."

"BUT SIR……SLYTHERIN HATED GRYFFINDOR AND THEY LIKE…..KEPT SECRETS….LIKE THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS, SIR!" said Hermione. She was anxious in her seat.

"Okay let's go sort now." Said Dumbledore, flying to the school.

Tamaki graced the school with her fabulous grace and sashayed to the seat in the middle of the hall. She conjured her own fabulous velvet red stool with her mind, shooting out beams from her ROY G BIV eyes. "I do not like zees ugly wooden stool. I like mine own zanks."

She sat down and put the ugly hat on and it said "yep. Mmkay. Got it. Are you sure? Mmkay. Better be………HOUSE OF SAPPHIREEEEEE!"

Everyone gasped and was silent and confused.

"What!" said Dumbledore, "You serious! That's not even possible………"

"Well, I said she's in House of Sapphire so she's in House of Goddamn Sapphire." Said the hat angrily. He flung himself off of Tamaki's head and attacked Dumbledore.

"AGHHHHHHHHH!" SAID DUMBLEDORE, "AGHHHHH! GET OFF ME YOU HAT!"

"What did you call me!" said the hat. "Did you just call me a HAT! EFF YOU MAN  
!"

Dumbledore apologized mournfully.

Tamaki giggled delightfully.


	9. Ze Explanation

_Chapter 9: Ze Explanation_

She jumped off her glittery red stool and glanced around at the staff. McGonagall looked at her in a horrified manner, and Flitwick looked delighted. Snape looked just as gobsmacked as the rest, except she couldn't help noticing that he looked rather handsome with his mouth hanging open like that, and Hagrid was still crying from their earlier brawl.

"But what _is _the House of the Sapphire?" questioned Dumbledore. "It is certainly nothing that's happened in my time!" he bellowed.

Binns floated out of knowwhere and explained with his vast intellect that just seemed to float around him like a collection of books in an old dusty library that no one went to anymore, like the one that was just outside of Tamaki's orphanage, except she'd read every book there, and in a week no less. She was just so smart, she couldn't help it.

"The House _of_ Sapphire, minus the second _the_, is a house of independent study of the secret gems of the world and the magic they hold, which is so glorious that our mere eyes, the ones not being in the house, can't stand to view it. She'll have to teach herself. The house has only ever had one other occupant, the daughter of the last czar of Russia who was a Russian princess and a very beautiful one at that. I taught her myself, as I am a ghost and was merely petrified when I looked at the gems. After she went back to Russia, she was immediately shot and murdered, but it is gossiped that she had gotten pregnant in an illicit affair with an overseas priest. But the fetus was removed. But to where, no one knows." Explained Binns with more drama than any one of them had ever witnessed.

Everyone was stunned. Wondering if perhaps maybe Tamaki was this sperm and egg that had been the daughter of the last princess of Russia.

"BUT THAT WOULD MEAN YOU'RE NOT JAPANOIS TAMAKI!" said Draco, who was taking it all rather calmly.

"But of course _je suis japonois et francais!_ » Tamaki said half-heartedly. She looked to Harry for support, who looked to Snape for support, who was chewing on his beef stake.

Dumbledore said, "Well, Tamaki, you're certainly one of a kind!" and he directed her over to the stool sitting in the middle of the hall, conjured a table to go along with it, and made a special call to the house elves for more food and then he took his seat at the head-table next to Snape and Flitwick and said "NITWICK BLUBBER FLITWICK AND FLUBBER, LET THE FEAST BEGIN!" and started on his macaroni salad.

Tamaki took her seat under the house banner flag that was hanging over her table, which sported a sapphire kitty, as sapphire and pink were her house colours.

Draco instantly conjured a chair next to her, as did Harry, as they both wanted to sit next to her. As they did so, Crabbe and Goyle had no choice but to follow their lead, as they were the leaders. As did Hermione and Ron, as they were Harry's BFFLs.

They ate in peace and harmony and stuff, and Tamaki was happy to note that they had crème brûlée, which was her favourite desert, and Harry said it was his, too.


	10. Ze First Day of Classes

_Ze Firzt Day ov Classes_

It was the first day of school classes and no one was happy because no one likes class except for Hermione and now Tamaki…..who was very smart.

Flitwick said, 'okay everyone this is my class and I teach charms. Some of you have never taken charms before but that's okay cause I'm good at explaining things. Let's have some fun today! Who can impress me with some cool charms?"

Hermione's hand was in the air before you could say "Tamaki is pretty!" her hand was flying high, waiting to be noticed.

But! Tamaki hacked slightly … a big 'hem, hem, hem, hem' and flitwick said "okay tamaki, what have you got! Let's see your lucky charms!"

Tamaki got up like a go-go dancer and danced to the center of the room…some spring in her step. "_Avada Kedavra! Crucio! Impedimenta! Deaaaaaaaaath!"_

Neville died instantly….Dean Thomas became insane and Hermione was totally shocked.

Tamaki was still dancing around shouting things. She didn't know she was killing, like, the whole class.

Flitwick laughed. "Oh Tamaki, you kidder, you."

"OMG YOU ACTUALLY KILLED HIM! BITCH WHAT U THINKING!" YELLED FLITWICK!

"Neevviiiiiiiilllllllleeeeeeeeeeee!" cried Sprout, flinging herself on Neville's form, rubbing against to see if he was alive. "NO ERECTION, HE'S DEAD!"

Tamaki cried tears of sorrow…. "Pardon my French! Oh _mon dieu_ I'm so soryy!"

Dumbledore said, "You're French."

"FUCK YOU CHING CHONG," SPROUT SAID.

"AVADA KEDAVRA! DON'T CALL ME CHING CHONG!" Sprout was on the floor dead. She was on top of Neville's dead erectionless body. There was no friction between them.

Draco restrains her…mostly so he can touch her. HE WAS TOUCHING THE PRINCESS OF RUSSIAN MAGICK.

"Draco get off me."

"Okay."


End file.
